DISCLAIMER: SORRY THIS IS MASSIVELY LONG THIS DAY WAS JUST RIDICULOUS
After our wild night watching Dance Moms and eating baguettes, we were understandably not up quite so early this morning and we were also depressed by the fact that the Weather channel promised us temperatures averaging around 16 celsius. For some reason we decided to ignore our eyes which told us that the weather outside looked gorgeous, and got dressed in like tights and stuff. Needless to say we’d been outside less than two minutes before I was changing into shorts around the side of the hotel (classy as ever…for the record I was wearing a bikini and a skirt which makes it okay?) I however, was wearing shorts and tights so had to strip off…behind a flowerpot.
Anyway so today began with an unexpectedly and highly unnecessarily posh journey into Coronado. The whole debacle was so horrifically embarrassing that I can’t even bring myself to go into it to be honest but safe to say we all came off looking like idiots. Anyway then we jumped on the bus of lunatics to go into San Diego. I can’t actually remember any characters off this particular bus but I’m sure there were several. Actually this may have been the day that there was a woman chatting away to her backpack and rubbing her nose on it like it was a child. This is the reason that I never, ever go on buses. But really.
First stop was the same mall we went to yesterday so that I could return some sunglasses that broke literally ten minutes after I bought them. This was also the moment that Emily realised that she is physically addicted to Starbucks. Then we climbed aboard another bus because it was next stop Old Town! On this bus we met our first bus friend of the day, a cheeky young lad who, when he found out we were Ocean Beach-bound, told us to ‘smoke a blunt’ and then giggled like a child. As we got off the bus together, he invited us to a party he was throwing for his cousin from Chicago. Unfortunately it was on Saturday i.e after we were leaving. Alas.
Old Town was even more hilarious and fun than I remembered it being the last time I went there. I should add that it was sunny and we were all in v. good moods, although we were probably offending anyone of even vaguely Spanish heritage with our childish cavorting about, shouting ole etc. We also all bought near-matching friendship bracelets because a) we are lame and b) we are friends. Sophie came over all Catholic and bought some rosary beads or something?
We were by this point all practically keeling over from starvation so we had to do a little rethinking of the meticulously drawn out Plan (courtesy of Emily and Sophie, naturally) and decided to get Mexican in Old Town. We had local recommendations from one of our many connections and so headed for Cafe Coyote which was another BRILLIANT DECISION. It was AMAZING. Our waiter was lovely and v good at finding stuff that didn’t involve cheese when we asked him what he would recommend and there were ladies making tortillas right in front of us and the food was soooooooo good. We split two dishes between us which we now realised was the most sensible way to do anything anyway and oh my God I am practically salivating writing about it. Seriously anyone that goes to San Diego and hasn’t been or even if you have, GO. The only minor dampener on this experience was the fact that we couldn’t get margaritas but I bet they would have been incredzzz and I don’t even like margaritas that much.
So next we remembered we had loads of beaches to go to so we wandered back to the bus stop and got on another bus, only our fiftieth that day. We were planning to go to Ocean Beach but at the last minute we decided to go to Pacific & Mission first, instead, which ended up being a good shout because we LOVED them. Pacific in particular was gorgeous and we sat there for ages – it was quite windy but if you lay on the sand it was warm – and reminisced about when we first arrived in Williamsburg and stuff. Then we wandered down the boardwalk thing lusting after houses and puppies and making rash plans to sell all our belongings and buy a condo together.
We had to wait a while for another bus which nonsensically we had to get all the way back to Old Town and then out again to Ocean Beach. This is why cars are necessary. We also made another friend at some point around here from Wisconsin and generally felt like we were in the opening scenes of a 90s teen movie as we wandered around in the sunshine. Eventually the bus arrived, we got on it, got off, etc, got on other one, and then we were Ocean Beach bound. We were on a mission to find this burger place called Hodad’s that has been featured on the Food Network (which is basically like my bible) but in a surprising lapse of organisation we had failed to actually look at where it was and so we just got off the bus more or less at random. As we got off, Josie asked where exactly we were looking for and Sophie announced the name of the place.
“Oh, no,” a random fat man said ominously. “Y’all should have stayed on.”
He then gave us directions, in a tone that suggested we had got off the bus several continents too early. We reminded ourselves that this is America where nobody walks anywhere, ever, gathered up all our British reserve and set off, and sure enough we were probably like three blocks from Hodad’s. Luckily, we all survived the trek.
The burgers were good. Sophie and Emily’s involved some sort of boiled bacon contraption and there were a lot of number plates on the walls. That is all I really recall about this dining experience as it was VASTLY overshadowed by the hilarity that followed. I feel I can only sum up Ocean Beach in a list of the sights we saw over the next, say, 45 minutes:
– A man using bags of what looked suspiciously like weed but Sophie assures us was ‘homemade Spinach pasta’ (whatever), as currency
– A man wandering about with a parrot sitting merrily on his arm
– Another man casually leading around two llamas (REGARDEEEEE)
– A million hummus/avocado/other healthy vegan food stalls (not really that outrageous but atmospheric nonetheless)
And the best one…
– A man with a tiny puppy that was PINK AND PURPLE AND SPARKLY.
I am not even joking. It was legitimately covered in fairy lights or something, just trotting around after this man like nothing was out of the ordinary. As Josie said, “the things you see here only work if you’re high.”
So anyway eventually we got on a bus that took us back to the Old Town Transportation Center (which at this point may as well have been our home). It was at this point that things got even weirder, if that is possible, when we decided to take the tram home as we had been admiring it for ages and it seemed vastly more luxurious/less dangerous than the lunatic buses. As we got on, we witnessed two people having what looked like a v violent argument, but what was more unusual about it was the fact that one of the person having the argument was filming the whole thing on their phone. Anyway so we avoided that carriage.
In the carriage we did go into we met our next, final and most hilarious bus friends of the day. One of them was a man, quite possibly a (very friendly) drug dealer, who lived in Tijuana (this tram went STRAIGHT TO TIJUANA what) and wanted our day pass as he didn’t have a ticket. We would have donated ours except we needed them for the six billionth bus that day. The other was some blonde boy who went to San Diego State. I forget how we started talking to them but all of a sudden, we were discussing whether or not the British authorities cut off your hand if you don’t buy a ticket, then we were being invited to a hookah bar where this blonde guy’s friends worked, and then next thing we knew, he was handing us his phone so that his friend Jordi could play the saxophone down it to us. I kid you not. Josie of course was loving this and was yelling “PLAY TO ME, JORDI” down the phone. After a few false starts Jordi finally got the message and played us a lovely long solo on his saxophone which we all applauded. He then told the blonde guy that he was gonna come meet him (i.e us) at the next stop but unfortunately we had to get off. Blonde boy was devastated and seemed particularly concerned that we were never gonna see him again.
After this ridiculousness we thought our night would calm down but no, first we had to wait for literally AN HOUR at a bus stop in downtown San Diego in the freezing cold, fending off weirdos left right and center (why we did this I have no idea). I remember being hysterical but that is it unfortunately. Eventually the bus came and we got on it and I don’t even think there were many weirdos on it, although there was a guy with a sling who got on carrying an entire crate of beer and a suspicious backpack. He then called up his friend and, acting all cool and casual, was all like “oh, you down to hang tonight? I got a couple of beers, you know” which amused me a lot. Anyway as we deduced from this conversation him and all his friends seemed to live on boats which was quite cool. We almost invited ourselves along.
Eventually we reached our hotel but then the bus just stopped about half a mile away from it down the freeway which we then had to trek all the way back up looking like bedraggled Mexican immigrants. Only a fitting way to end the day really.